My speech at Westside Toastmasters Club meeting on 7th February 2018.
During the week that I was originally supposed to present this speech I had a number of discussions with my friends over the topics of love and our opinions. But I was also reading for a little bit every morning a book called the Power of Now that discussed silence and space and how they affect our lives.
So here’s the debated scenario – The movie is called 5 to 7. A young writer falls in love with a French woman about 10 years his senior. They start going out. The husband of the woman is okay with the affair, with the set time for their outing and even introduced the young writer to the children and his friends circle. However the young writer wanted more, he proposed to the woman and asked her to leave her children and her husband. In her marriage although the relationship wasn’t as romantic she was perfectly okay. It ended with her staying with her husband and children of course. Years later they met up again and it was revealed that she still wore the ring he proposed to her with all those years ago.
I argued with it to my friend and she called it love and I said no that’s attachment. He created his own pain and suffering by being selfish. Would you mother ask you to leave your perfectly happy marriage and children to a life where you don’t know when you will see them because she “loves” you?
Now you’re probably wondering how is this linked to silence and space? I have always been a firm believer that love is sacrifice but I’m no expert so instead I’ve been thinking about the definition from the perspecgivr of a few spiritual teachers.
There was a video recently on Facebook that I came across again today that said love is often confused with attachment. This spiritual teacher linked attachment to suffering. We sometimes believe that the more we hold on to something it shows love.
She described true love as holding very gently, nurturing but allowing this to flow while attachment is holding on tightly and if we lose that loved one or thing it causes pain. You cannot hold onto something gently and allow it to flow without creating space within that interaction or relationship. In order to flow things need space.
A few weeks ago our own Toastmaster Keron gave a very interesting table topic where he encouraged us to consider what is more important, the room or the space inside if it? The bottle inside of it. We tend to take this concept for granted.
Nothing can exist without No-things. It’s only when something is empty can it be given the space to be. Without silence there will be no sound or noise. Without space there would be no room to put anything. The only way we can truly love is to give it the silence and space it needs to exist. Otherwise we risk imposing our ideas or beliefs on others under the misconception of love.
“Nothing can exist without the empty space that enables it to be” – The book the Power of Now indicated that the way to create space is to appreciate space and as a human being the best way to appreciate and create space is through silence. Silence of the mind, hearing the silence in everyday life, between the birds, between the words, between the cars.
If we don’t give people the space to just be, if we fill the space between us with judgement, assumptions and negative emotions we continue to perpetuate the world of suffering and pain we are in today. We perpetuate relationships that start with “love” and end with hate.
“When you are full of problems, there is no room for anything new to enter, no room for a solution. So whenever you can, make some room, create some space, so that you find the life underneath your life situation. Use your senses fully. Be where you are. Look around. Just look, don’t interpret. See the light, shapes, colors, textures. Be aware of the silent presence of each thing. Be aware of the space that allows everything to be. Listen to the sounds; don’t judge them. Listen to the silence underneath the sounds. Touch something – anything – and feel and acknowledge its Being.” – A Quote from the Book “The Power of Now” by Eckhart Tolle
I’ll like to bring it all together by saying in this Valentines season consider the true meaning of love everytime you hear the words. Are you truly loving those around you? Are you attached? Do you give yourself and others space to be?
Until Next Time